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Q: If a Witch practices on the beach, is she a Sandwich? Q: What's
Wiccan, flies around, and makes honey?
A: The Blessed Bee!
Q: What do you say to an angry witch?
A: Ribbit
Q: What's the difference between a New Ager and a Pagan?
A: A decimal point. An item you'll pay $300 to a New Ager for, you
can get from a local Pagan for $30.
Q: How do you tell a New Age witch from a NeoPagan Witch?
A: You throw them both in the water. The NeoPagan Witch will float,
whereas the New Age Witch will sink under the weight of all their
overpriced crystals....
Q: What happens when a Ceremonial Magician gets angry?
A: He goes Qua-ballistic.
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Circle Etiquette
- Never summon Anything you can't banish.
- Do not attempt to walk more than 10 paces while wearing all of your
ritual jewelry, dream bags and crystals at the same time.
- When proposing to initiate someone, do not mention the Great Rite,
leer, and say, "Hey, your trad or mine?"
- Never laugh at someone who is skyclad. They can see you, too.
- Never, *ever* set the Witch on fire.
- Looking at nifty pictures is not a valid path to mastering the ancient
grimoires. Please read thoroughly and carefully from beginning to
end so that your madness and gibberings will at least make some sense.
- A good grasp of ritual and ritual techniques are essential!
In the event of a random impaling, or other accidental death amongst
the participants, (see next rule) a quick thinker can improvise to
ensure successful completion of the Rite. Make them another sacrifice,
Demons really love those those.
- Watch where you wave the sharp pointy items.
- Avoid walking through disembodied spirits.
- Carry an all-purpose translator's dictionary in case the ritual leader
begins talking in some strange and unknown language.
- Avoid joining your life force to anything with glowing red eyes.
- If asked to sign a contract or pact and you are experiencing doubts
or reservations, sign your neighbor's name. Malevolent entities rarely
ask for photo ID.
- Blood IS thicker than water. Soak ritual garments an extra 30-45
minutes.
- While drunken weaving may be mistaken for ecstatic dancing, slurring
the names of Deities is generally considered bad form.
- If the ritual leader should ask for a volunteer, resist
the urge to raise your hand! While it is true that volunteering will
most likely gain you stature and prestige amongst the group, thereby
allowing you to advance quickly through the ranks, it is equally
likely to get you strapped to a table and eaten alive by a drooling
demonic horde.
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